I'm sorry I'm late, but...

Well, predictions ran true. With all the best of intentions, my regular one-hour writing sessions lasted all of two nights.

I tried though, I really did try.

I even started on a third one which I attacked over the course of a few nights, 15 minutes here, 10 minutes there. It was a well reasoned, well-thought out, but still damned funny piece on state funerals in Australia, and how there hasn’t been a decent one given out for a while. (I completely ignored Don Chipp, but hell, I wasn’t thinking.) There was even a couple distasteful gags about the rule of threes of ironic Australian celebrity deaths, and Colin Thiele’s death not being by a pelican attack or a falling bookshelf.

And then I thought about writing stuff about the Pope’s recent statements about Muslims. As far as I understand it, he said that Muslims were violent, and in protest, Muslims became violent. (Right up there with Christians claiming to be pro-life and so shoot abortionists.)

There was some other crap, like Channels 7 and 9 going to war over a delicacy called Wa Wa. But I didn’t write anything about that either.

I’m just too buggered.

Firstly, let me explain that term to non-Australians. ‘Buggered’ usually means ‘sodomised’ with implications of non-compliance. In Australia, like most of our slang, it means something completely different. (I only discovered this year, that no non-Australian knows what ‘How’s it going?’ actually means.) ‘Buggered’ in Australian means simply, stuffed. Or Exhausted.

So let me do the Australian thing and whinge here. Yes, we say poms whinge no end, but we are descended from them for the most part, so we occasionally like to revel in our British Heritage. (Then and during the Commonwealth Games.)

I am a high school English teacher. I work from 7:30 to 6:00 Monday to Thursday. Drinks start at 3:16 on Friday so I finish early then. On Sundays I put in about 6 hours. So what’s that? 40.5; 47.25; almost 54 hours a week (and a big ‘fuck you’ to anyone who thinks teaching isn’t real work). My work is piling up (not helped by the exhaustion I’m currently feeling now being put off temporarily by this blog entry) and when I go home I have three girls under 4 to spend quality time with (feed and shower them and put them to bed is pretty much it) a pregnant wife to help out, sleep interrupted by said children under 4, and now a house almost complete that I’m slowly moving furniture into, painting, landscaping, and whatever other crap we can’t afford to pay other people to do.

So I’m rooted (see the definition of buggered).

But hell, why should I inflict that upon you, hmmm?

I have half an hour left, so I gotta say something.

I was teaching This Divided State the other day, and I thought about it when I heard these Muslim riots, that were in protest of the Pope’s accusation that Muslims are essentially violent. (Okay, I can’t claim to have knowledge of exactly what he said, but that is how it’s being reported.) It got me thinking.

At what stage do hypocrites realise they’re being hypocritical? That may seem like an odd question, but as a high school teacher I realise I’m being completely hypocritical. Me, as teacher: “study for your exams at least two hours a night per subject.” Me, as student: “there’s no point in studying, as if you didn’t learn it at school, you’re not going to learn it at home.” Me, as teacher: “don’t leave essays to the last minute. Plan, draft, and proofread.” Me, as student: “It was only due yesterday. Sponge, scull, and vomit.”

Now I realise I’m being hypocritical, but I have to do it for my job. Surely someone must occasionally feel the same way in these more extreme examples of hypocrisy.

This Divided State:
Conservative One: Why are we against Michael Moore coming to Utah?
Conservative Two: He’s against American values.
Conservative One: Isn’t freedom of speech an American value?
Conservative Two: Freedom of speech only works because people know when to shut the hell up. (*That last line is an actual quote from the documentary)

Rioting against the Pope.
Muslim rioter one: Let’s shoot that Catholic nun.
Muslim rioter two: Why?
Muslim rioter one: The Pope said we were violent.
Muslim rioter two: Ummm, hang on…

Southern State of the US
Christian fundamentalist one: Let’s shoot that abortionist
Christian fundamentalist two: Why?
Christian fundamentalist one: He kills babies.
Christian fundamentalist two: And?
Christian fundamentalist one: The bible clearly says: “Thou shalt not kill.”
Christian fundamentalist two: Good point, pass the ammo.

An ABC studio somewhere:
Studio pleb one: What’s John Howard doing here?
Studio pleb two: recording a congratulatory promo for Play School.
Studio pleb one: Didn’t he criticise us in parliament saying that we were out of touch of the community and promoting un-Australian values?
Studio pleb two: Our Prime Minister being demagogic and contradictory? Never!

Amanda Vanstone’s office
Personal assistant one: Prepare a statement condemning Kim Beazley as racist.
Personal assistant two: Why?
Personal assistant one: He agreed with the Prime Minister on something.

Bugger! (Note: That word can be used as an expletive as well.) That was the other thing that got me worked up. Why does Beazley exist? Isn’t he the opposition? Isn’t he like to, you know, oppose the Prime Minister? Other than the IR laws, what has he actually opposed of the Prime Minister lately? Iraq War? Nope. Reinstatement of super? Nope. Cross-media ownership laws? Nope. Sale of anything the Liberals can prop up their coffers with? Not that I know of.

You wanna know why the Opposition is the opposition? ’Cause they’re not an alternative. That’s kinda what the opposition is supposed to be in a two-party system.

Morons.

And that’s close enough to the hour. (A couple of minutes short, but my ride’s here and I have things to mark.)